Today, everything looks bleak

Today, the weather is gloomy and even as light comes through, it does little to lighten my heart.

Today, I can't find it in me to care. I know it won't always be dark but today I just don't care.

I am filled with regret for all the things I didn't do. All the places I wanted to visit but didn't. All the excuses I made.

Today, it feels like I'm just looking for the pieces to fill the day, like when you're doing a crossword and you're trying to find the word that fits the number of boxes you're given.... Only here there is no clue, we are all just trying as we go, day by day.

More often than not I find myself wishing I could fast forward, but I don't even know to what time.

Today, the dark suffocates.

I know it won't always feel like this. I must hold onto this. I will not let it go.

Books I loved in 2019

Hello hello! It's me, I was wondering if after all...

This time you'd still like to read my posts.

Let me start by wishing you all a happy new year! I wanted to talk about some of the books I read in 2019. I started to think about the books I read and which ones were my faves and I realized I discovered a genre I hadn't really read before and most of my fave reads this year belong to it.

Hoy me voy a dormir feliz

En medio de las lágrimas escribo esto. Pero antes de empezar, creo que es necesario un poco de contexto. Hoy, Claudia López fue elegida como la alcaldesa de Bogotá. 
Por eso, hoy estoy conmovida y emocionada de ver, por primera vez, a una mujer como alcaldesa de mi ciudad. Me emociono por todas las mujeres, jóvenes y niñas que sueñan a lo grande y que han escuchado expresiones por el estilo de: "Una mujer nunca va a llegar hasta allá". Me emociono porque ahora van a tener un modelo a seguir y van a ver que sí, que se puede llegar hasta allá, e incluso más lejos. Me emociona ver en ese cargo además de una mujer, a una feminista, a una mujer diversa. A una mujer que no nació con un apellido Santos, Uribe o Galán. Una mujer de clase media. Me conmueve saber lo que es sentirme representada.

Obviamente hay cosas de ella que no me encantan, pero prefiero quedarme con lo que nos une. Obviamente sé que hay muchísimo por cambiar, pero creo que este es un muy buen paso. Siento que es un respiro, algo necesitado.

Además, hoy fui jurado de votación. Me voy a dormir satisfecha, sintiendo que cumplí con mi deber.

Por esto, hoy me voy a dormir feliz.

In a year

This is the kinda thing you usually write the last day of the year, but I'm having a kind of introspective day, I guess? I keep looking back on all that's happened in the last 12 months and I guess I wanna write it down so maybe a few years down the line I come back and look at all that's happened.

A year. 

Lots of things were happening at my old job on October '18. It was all about adapting.
I was getting ready to say goodbye to a friend I made at that job so it was a month full of feelings.
I liked someone. A lot.
Started doing something I had never done before at my job. The goal? To prove to myself, to my boss and to basically everyone that I could do it and I did it.
Things didn't work out with the someone previously mentioned and I might have cried one or twice. Oh well.
Lost a job I didn't even have but I wanted it. So bad. What a letdown that was.
Met someone else and fell in love. It didn't work out. And yes, this time I cried a lot. Sometimes I still do.
Almost lost my grandma. Cried like a baby after seeing her in the ICU. Asked God to end her suffering. She's so much better now. The moments I share with her now are very precious.
Started a new job doing something I had never done before. This time the challenge felt harder.
Went to a music festival. So exhausting. So fucking fun. 10/10 would do it all over again.
Started studying French too.
Allowed myself to open up, to feel. To let myself be carried away by the sadness. Learned to be so fucking grateful for my friends. For the laughter.
I got broken. And I broke myself. But here I am, trying to put back the pieces.
Here I am, astonished by everything that's happened in a year and curious and scared about all that could happen in the next year too.

The book of the month

 

Title: Shiny Broken Pieces
Authors: Sona Charaipotra & Dhonielle Clayton
Published: July 12th 2016 by HarperCollins

In the second and final book of the Tiny Pretty Things story it's the final year for June, Bette and Giselle in the American Ballet Company. Everyone in the class wants a place in the Conservatory but only four are going to make it. After what was done to Gigi in the first book she is out for blood. Bette only wants to reclaim her place and June, who struggles with her eating disorder, just wants to be the best. 

 My Musings 

I realize how vague this "summary" was, lmao. But if you haven't even read the book I can't go and spoil everything now, can I? I did think I had to mention the eating dissorder, as a warning.

I can't stop thinking about this story so I had to write about it - Monsters of Verity

I know, I know. I am the worst blogger. You probably haven't missed me but I have definitely given myself a lot of shit for not posting for over a year. And the reason for this post is because I promised to myself I would either write a post or make a video and I don't own a camera so here we are.

I can't put off this any longer to be honest. So let's get to it, here are my thoughts on Monsters of Verity: This Savage Song and Our Dark Duet.

This story is about two characters: Kate and August. Both part of a different side of Verity, this city invaded by monsters. So there are two sides: North City and South City and each is governed by their parents. Callum Harker leads the North and Henry Flynn the South, with a treaty that could break any minute. Kate and August want very different things in life. She, a human, wants her father's approval and to be as tough as him. He, the strongest and deadliest kind of monster there is, just wants to be human. What will happen when their paths meet and Kate finds out the truth about him? Will she follow what she's been told her entire life? Or will she try to escape with him after he saves her life? 

My Musings 

That was my attempt at giving you a sneak peak of the story and hopefully make you want to read it.

One of the hardest books I've read

Title: It Ends With Us
Author: Colleen Hoover
Published: August 2nd 2016 by Atria Books

Lily hasn’t always had it easy, but that’s never stopped her from working hard for the life she wants. She’s come a long way from the small town in Maine where she grew up—she graduated from college, moved to Boston, and started her own business. So when she feels a spark with a gorgeous neurosurgeon named Ryle Kincaid, everything in Lily’s life suddenly seems almost too good to be true.
Ryle is assertive, stubborn, maybe even a little arrogant. He’s also sensitive, brilliant, and has a total soft spot for Lily. And the way he looks in scrubs certainly doesn’t hurt. Lily can’t get him out of her head. But Ryle’s complete aversion to relationships is disturbing. Even as Lily finds herself becoming the exception to his “no dating” rule, she can’t help but wonder what made him that way in the first place.
As questions about her new relationship overwhelm her, so do thoughts of Atlas Corrigan—her first love and a link to the past she left behind. He was her kindred spirit, her protector. When Atlas suddenly reappears, everything Lily has built with Ryle is threatened.

My Musings 

I didn't really want to write a review on this book because I don't think I could do it justice. I mean I haven't rated it on Goodreads yet. But I finished it two hours ago and I just can't stop texting my friend Floozy about it. There are too many thoughts and feelings on this story.